#101: “RAPPORT” How To Systematically Build Trust & Understanding
🔹 THE OUTCOME
By the end of this Intervention you’ll be able to deliberately and consciously raise the level of rapport with another person or people using practical matching techniques, and when you have taken action you will have created a stronger foundation of trust, understanding, as the basis for better conversations.
🔸 THE INTERVENTION
Rarely talked about and probably the most important capability a person can have. If rapport is lost it is the priority in every way - partly because is the means by which understanding is secured and trust is built. Partly becuase it helps people think better.
Rapport isn’t luck. It’s a deliberate practice. It's the state where communication flows, where you “get” each other — and more importantly, want to. It’s the foundation of successful relationships, influence, and joint action.
Here’s how to build rapport in a structured way using matching and pacing.
🛠️ THE METHOD — MATCH & PACE
Start by observing the other person. Then, consciously and subtly match:
Language: Are they using visual words (“see”), auditory words (“hear”), or kinesthetic ones (“feel”)? Match their preference and styles.
Pace: Fast or slow? Don’t race ahead or lag behind.
Tone: Loud or soft? Harsh or gentle? Mirror their tone, pitch, pace tone & timbre.
Breathing: Sync your breath rhythm if you're face-to-face.
Posture & Movement: Match or mirror their stance and movements without mimicking.
Then, pace, pace, pace, lead!
🧠 WHY IT WORKS
People feel safer and more open when they sense familiarity. By aligning with their communication style, you signal “we’re alike,” and unlock the door to deeper connection.
🚫 Without rapport, communication with understanding becomes more difficult
✅ With rapport, trust is built and understanding is increased.
🧭 Principled vs. Unprincipled Communication
Use rapport to enable principled communication:
Honest, open, problem-solving.
Focus on what is the problem not who is the problem
Focused on issues, not blame.
Avoid unprincipled tactics:
Games, manipulation, aggression, power plays.
This is about behaviour shaping with integrity — not control.
⏱️ TIME TO DELIVER: 10–15 minutes per conversation. Instant impact with practice.
📚 Recommended reading: “Influencing With Integrity” by Genie Z Laborde
That's all for today. See you again next week.
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THE INDIVIDUAL INTERVENTIONIST
How Do You Intervene To Cause People To Do The Things That Create The Results Required?
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